From donor to devastation and back again
Debbie recently shared her story at a Red Shield Appeal launch.
“Five years ago I was regularly involved with charity events as a guest, either donating money or my time. Never at any stage did I expect that one day I would be receiving assistance from charities myself.” - Debbie
At 17, Debbie fell in love with the man she would marry. They were engaged at 19, married at 21, and as Debbie explains: “We had three beautiful sons and a lovely big home, with a pool, in a sought-after area of Newcastle. We had a comfortable life, we worked hard, but we didn’t want for anything.”
This life continued for 21 years until the day Debbie says her “whole world collapsed” – the day she discovered her husband had met another woman.
Sharing her story to help raise awareness at a recent Salvation Army Red Shield Appeal launch, Debbie says she was not prepared for this situation and struggled to cope.
“I just didn’t know how to handle it and I entered a very dark time in my life,” she says. “With low self-esteem and no confidence … I had no coping mechanism. I was all of a sudden dreadfully alone.
“I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach and forgot to remove their fist. The feeling deep inside never left me and the only thing that that eased the anxiety was a glass of wine, which unfortunately became several at a time.”
As time went on, Debbie’s three sons became increasingly ashamed of her behaviour and worried about her safety. Looking back, they were right to be alarmed, she says.
One night, after quite a few glasses of wine, Debbie responded to a friend’s prompting to go out. To this day, she is still ashamed of her decision to get behind the wheel of a car that night.
“It was dark and wet, and my responses were slow and inadequate. I lost control of my car and crashed, hit my head and became dazed,” she says.
Debbie was rescued from the smoke-filled wreck and is incredibly thankful that she didn’t hurt or kill anyone.
After the accident, Debbie could no longer hide her addiction. She had to appear in court and face her family and friends, and “tell them what I’d become”.
It was then that her solicitor suggested she contact The Salvation Army.
“I was dubious,” Debbie admits. “How could The Salvation Army help me? It was usually me helping the Salvos with donations ... for ‘those who need it most’.”
She says: “Despite my hesitation, I contacted The Salvation Army court chaplain Ross Gilmore and very quickly felt at ease. He discussed a 10-week program – the Positive Lifestyle Program – which I agreed to undertake, even though previous counselling did not work.”
Ross introduced Debbie to another chaplain, Lil, who would ultimately take her through the program and who would become her support person in the years ahead.
“Lil didn’t just put a band-aid on my problems,” Debbie says. “She was caring but very direct; she was a very supportive person and she saw the potential in me, giving me the tools that I needed to help myself recover.
“Although I was in a deep hole, she didn’t hand me a ladder to climb out, which would have been easy. Lil threw me a rope and helped guide me out.”
Since finishing the Positive Lifestyle Program, Debbie and Lil have remained friends.
Debbie says: “Lil is always there to listen, and is someone I can go to without fear of judgment, in full confidence that I will be 'good enough' to be the person I am.”
With this new-found confidence, Debbie recently secured a housing loan and bought “a lovely little place for me and my boys”. But, she says, the most important gift of all that The Salvation Army has given her through the recovery process is “the wonderful relationship I now have again with my three sons”.
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