Males often the forgotten victims of domestic violence
(Stock image)
Male victims of family violence and abuse, like women, often face many barriers to disclosing their abuse. They can suffer shame, embarrassment and the social stigma of not being able to protect themselves, according to Anne Wilson, Manager of Salvation Army Pindari Services.
Salvation Army Pindari Services provides safe and secure crisis accommodation for homeless women without dependent children, and homeless men. Pindari staff work internally and through referrals to other services to help clients move from situations of homelessness into sustainable, independent living.
Anne says it can be more difficult for a genuine male victim of domestic violence to find help, saying: “Services are less likely to ask whether a man is a victim of family violence, and when they do ask, they are less likely to believe him. (Many health departments have mandatory domestic violence screening for young women, but no such screening for young men). In cases of intimate-partner violence, men can fear that if they disclose the abuse or end the relationship, their partner might become more abusive and/or take the children.”
Ali*, who has recently found stable, medium-tern accommodation with The Salvation Army Pindari Services after facing verbal abuse and homelessness, says: “One may not find any scar on my body, but sure enough there are scars on my brain that will haunt me for the rest of my life”.
Married several years ago in Pakistan, Ali says that “like any young man” he dreamed of settling into new life after another family negotiated with his parents to arrange his marriage. He moved to Australia where his (now) ex-wife’s family lived, only to experience verbal abuse and conflict that he says, “got worse every day”.
Feeling totally controlled, Ali says he became badly depressed and developed chronic insomnia. “When I said I wanted to go out, they refused to let me go. They even locked me in”.
Forced to leave all his possessions, Ali finally fled.
He says: “I spent several hours on the road that first night, unaware of my destination and unaware of my future. I felt helpless.”
Finally, he managed to contact an acquaintance who, worried about Ali’s mental state, took him straight to a doctor. Ali says: “I was advised to return the next day. I was referred to a social worker, who arranged an appointment with Pindari Services.
“When I came to The Salvation Army,” Ali says, “they arranged my room, doctors’ appointments and my legal appointments, but I was still very depressed and had no confidence and no self-esteem.”
He continues: “I started to work with the Resident Recovery Service and had the opportunity to move up to transitional accommodation. At this point, I was admitted to hospital for a month due to my trauma. I then returned to Pindari and took the opportunity to enrol in their Certificate III in Hospitality training.”
Ali says that through his time with the service: “I have gained a lot of experience, developed my confidence, gained a qualification (in hospitality) and most of all made some great friends. I have more self-esteem, I believe in myself again, and I have now found a job.
“During my journey I have learnt a lot professionally and personally from the staff and people I have met at The Salvation Army. I have learnt about loyalty, commitment, faith and hope and I will carry this with me during the next phase of my life.”
Ali says for the first time in years, he finally again has dreams for a future.
“My plan is to become a professional chef and (study) business. I want to make new friends, join a cricket club and importantly work to help homeless people. I hope that now that I am stronger, I can continue to share my experiences to help other people in similar situations.”
*Name changed.
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